Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
