quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
