I think I died a long time ago.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
