Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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