Your tits are I can't wait for
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
