I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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