I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
