And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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