I am in a vortex of obligation.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
