I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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