i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Im part way to drunk.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize