I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
just tell him i said nine months
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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