These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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