I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
