jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
