Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I want a musical about memes.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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