I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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