the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
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