And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
