Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
