Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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