all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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