I CAN MOONWALK!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
