my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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