Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
