Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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