the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
