I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
