The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
