is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
