This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
