Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
