You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
