Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize