BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
