I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
and she was petting her beer can
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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