I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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