I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
