I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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