He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
