there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
