my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
