he thought i was a dude.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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