I only kidnapped one of them. chill
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
