Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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