My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
