i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize