i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize