THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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