the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
