Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I want to fling myself into the sun
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
