Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
