Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
it glows. i had to have it.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
