Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
