I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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