toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize