oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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