i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
two words: eviction party
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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