I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
