either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
