Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
