Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
