nut hugger
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I use my feet as sexual weapons
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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