NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
