it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
