Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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