not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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